Honest to a fault. I’ve been told this many times in my life. Essentially it means I can’t tell a lie ~ even to my own detriment. Here are some examples:

• I once noticed I had received a higher score on a test than I deserved. I showed it to my professor and expected him to lower my grade.
• If cashiers give me too much change, I return the extra money.
• When I messed up at work, I told my supervisor ~ even if the error wouldn’t have been discovered.

Some call it an oversensitive conscience. Whatever it is, it normally serves me well because it preserves my integrity. But sometimes such rigid honesty creates challenges in my relationships.

Last week I described a conflict I had with another person. Our conversation ended abruptly with her decision to “not discuss the matter anymore”. She didn’t believe my side of the situation, but decided to move on as if everything was okay.

Because of our life circumstances, we interacted on a regular basis. In the following days she did treat me as if nothing happened. But I felt like I was living a lie. I wanted to reopen the conversation and force her to accept the truth. 

Some wise spiritual friends advised me not to press the issue. They reminded me to ask this question: Do I want to be right ~ or do I want to be righteous? Ouch!

It was one of those times when I felt torn between what I wanted in the moment (to be right) and what I ultimately wanted (to be righteous). Of course I wanted to be righteous. But I didn’t know what to do with my need to be completely honest. How do I act as if everything is fine ~ when it isn’t?

In times like these, the following Scripture comes to mind:

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. (Romans 12:18 NIV)

This verse reminds me that I have limited control. I can’t force someone else to believe what I know to be true. But that doesn’t mean there is nothing I can do to bring me peace. In fact when I read the verses surrounding this one, I gain clarity in what I can do: 

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. (Romans 12:17-19 NIV)

The solution was to focus on what I could control ~ myself. I decided doing right in this situation meant continuing to treat her with the same level of respect and consideration as before. And I decided to surrender the rest to God, trusting Him to work things out according to His plan and timing.

When I did that, I realized I wasn’t living a lie. Instead, I was staying faithful to my commitment to follow God’s holy standards. Ultimately, I knew the truth, and so did God. In the end, I did experience peace, but of a different kind. This peace was between God and me ~ and one which could not be shaken.

No matter where we travel in life, we will experience conflicts with others. When we do, I pray we can seek to do right as we trust the One who will ultimately work all things out according to His plan.