In a panic, I rushed to purchase a sweater from the store where I worked. Even with my employee discount, the sweater cost more than I wanted to spend ~ especially since I had not planned to give a gift to this colleague. 

But when my coworker showed up with her gift for me, I thankfully had one to offer her in return. Unfortunately, my relief only lasted for a moment. When my colleague opened her gift, I sensed her embarrassment. I had clearly spent more money than she had. The disparity between the value of our gifts created an imbalance in our relationship.

This gift exchange happened over forty years ago. But I remember it so vividly because it marked the moment when I no longer saw gifts as string-free offerings, but as a means to foster and equalize a friendship.

Gifting is big business in the United States ~ especially at Christmas. A recent study determined the average American will spend $930 on Christmas gifts this year ~ more than what they had expected to spend in the last twenty years. 

And while some of us can freely exchange gifts without expecting anything in return, many of us will engage in what sociologists refer to as a social debt. When we receive a gift, we feel obligated to reciprocate with one of equal value. 

For me, this sense of social obligation grows out of the deep conviction that I am not worthy of a string-free gift. Reciprocating with a gift of equal value makes me feel less unworthy and keeps my relationships on equal footing.

I can clearly see the tension this creates between me and other people. But I’ve learned it also affects my relationship with God. Through Jesus, God offers me the incredible gift of salvation. I know I can’t earn my salvation, so instead I try to reciprocate it with a gift of equal value. I attempt to do this through my obedience and good works. Everything between God and me is fine–until I miss the mark, and tarnish my gift. To make up for what was lost, I offer stronger obedience and more good deeds. All is well. Until I miss the mark again. And so this frustrating dance of gift reciprocation continues.

It has taken me some time to realize the fault in my thinking. There is nothing I can give God which has equal value to my salvation. As Jesus states, “What can anyone give in exchange for their soul?” (Mark 8:37 NIV). There has never been equality in our relationship. The hierarchy of our relationship remains clear. God sits on a throne, and we are subordinate to Him. But God’s throne is a throne of grace:

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:16 NIV)

Our relationship with God isn’t based on our unworthiness and His ability to love us anyway. It’s based on our inadequacy and His willingness to provide for our needs because He loves us.

But that doesn’t mean God doesn’t expect something in return for His gift:

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. (Romans 12:1 NIV)

God does call us to live our lives in obedience to Him ~ not in an effort to reciprocate His gift, but out of respect and appreciation for His gift. And when we miss the mark, He is ready and able to help us.

As I enter into this season of gifting, I pray for my gifts to come from a heart of appreciation for my relationships, and not out of an effort to foster and equalize them. Most of all, I pray to keep my eyes fixed on the most valuable gift I’ve ever received ~ my salvation. Wherever your journey takes you during this season, I pray the same for you. And may our lives show respect and appreciation for the One who gave us the best gift of all.