How We Can Avoid The Frustration Of Comparing Ourselves To Everyone Else

“I don’t understand why it has to be so hard.” Tears filled my coworker’s eyes as she poured out her heart. Recently she had faced difficult challenges in seemingly every aspect of life ~ financial, relational, and medical. All her life she had worked hard. Now she felt surrounded by people who seemed to get everything they wanted, without having to work at all. I knew exactly how she felt. Life doesn’t always play fair.

When we’re going through a tough time, and other people’s lives seem carefree and peaceful, it’s easy to entertain thoughts like:  

It’s not fair.
Why do they get to be happy when I’m so miserable?
Does God love them more than He loves me?

It’s funny, but it works the other way as well. When my life feels blessed and happy, but my friends face heartache and struggle, my thoughts become:

It’s not fair.
Why do I get to be happy when they are so miserable?
They are such amazing people, why would God allow this to happen to them (and not to me)?

In the book of Ecclesiastes, the author reminds us of the many seasons we face in life: happy and sad; good and bad; easy and hard. Every life will have its share of adversity and prosperity (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8).

Too often we compare our hard season with someone else’s easy one, and we feel cheated. Or we compare our easy season with another’s hard one, and we feel guilty. Comparison never yields good results. But it is a trap that ensnares us all.

One of the clearest examples I see of this is in the life of the Apostle Peter. After His resurrection, Jesus shared some sobering news: Peter would glorify God by dying as a martyr (John 21:18-19). 

Notice how Peter responded:

Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper and had said, “Lord, who is going to betray you?”) When Peter saw him, he asked, “Lord, what about him?”

Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.” (John 21:20-22 NIV)

Traditionally, scholars have held that John was the disciple whom Jesus loved. After considering his own death sentence, Peter wanted to know how John would die. If John, the disciple whom Jesus loved, faced a less painful or scary death, how would this make Peter feel? I know if I were Peter, I’d be tempted to believe Jesus loved me less.

Instead of answering his question, Jesus reminded Peter to stay in his own lane. Comparing ourselves to others only distracts us from the path we are called to follow. 

Perhaps this is why we find this gem in the book of Ecclesiastes: 

When times are good, be happy;
     but when times are bad, consider this:
God has made the one
     as well as the other.
Therefore, no one can discover
     anything about their future. (Ecclesiastes 7:14 NIV)

This singular verse packs so much wisdom:

• When we experience good times, it’s okay to be happy.
• When we experience bad times, it’s critical to remember God is still sovereign. We can trust in His promise to ultimately bring good from this situation (Romans 8:28).
• Our future will continue to be a mixture of good and bad times.

When we understand life’s varying seasons, and trust God’s sovereignty, we can free ourselves of comparison. Then we can rejoice with those who rejoice, and mourn with those who mourn ~ regardless of our personal circumstances (Romans 12:15). 

Wherever the road leads me next, I pray to stay in my own lane and follow the path He has set for me. Wherever your travels take you, I pray you can do the same.