When I Find It Hard To Freely Accept Grace And Forgiveness

Crunch! What did I hit?!? 

With my heart beating wildly in my chest, I opened my door and stepped into the street. My bewildered eyes took in the car sitting by the side of the road. The driver’s side mirror hung by a few wires and the door had a new dent. There could be no mistake. A corresponding dent on my back bumper clearly proved I had caused the damage. Immediately my mind erupted into a thousand accusatory thoughts.

What was I thinking? Was I even thinking? How did I not see the car as I was backing out of the driveway? I’m in for a long night ~ all because of my own stupidity. 

Shaking, I made my way to the front door of the house which stood behind the parked car. After confessing and apologizing for what I had done, the owners followed me to the street so I could give them my insurance information.

I expected them to be angry, or at least frustrated; I deserved nothing else. But not only did they express forgiveness, they also treated me with incredible kindness and compassion. After we finished filing the insurance claim, they gave me a bottle of water and expressed concern for my well-being. Suddenly the tears I had been suppressing all night began to trickle down my cheeks. 

Kindness affects me like that. When I’ve done wrong, I anticipate and almost welcome some sort of punishment. But when I receive unexpected forgiveness and sympathy, my heart fills with overwhelming emotions. I’m at a loss for words, and I’m not sure how to respond.

As a Christian I’ve struggled with grace. Not in the I-don’t-know-what-it-means way, but in the how-do-I-respond-and-accept-it way. Over the years, I’ve made significant progress. I can now rest secure in the forgiveness of my sins. 

But with these types of mistakes, where I believe I should have known better, done better, or prepared better, I struggle to forgive myself. Maybe this is why God allows these situations to happen. Because through this experience, He reminded me of our need to both give and receive grace:

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32 NIV)

The owners of the car lived out this Scripture beautifully. When people show me compassion and forgiveness instead of anger and frustration, my heart softens. Their gracious acts motivate me to go and do the same. Grace is a gift that keeps giving.

No matter where our life’s journey lead us, we will face times where we need forgiveness, kindness, and compassion. I pray we all become experts at both giving and receiving grace. When we do, we imitate the One who continues to guide our paths.