Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult.—Proverbs 12:16 (NIV)

Her words pierced my heart. For days I’d been happily planning for her annual visit—down to the last perfect detail. But she had other ideas, and some of them didn’t include me. Her agenda did more than crush my expectations, it triggered other painful memories of being left out. And within seconds that pain turned into anger.

In the Old Testament, Solomon gives us this warning:

Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools. (Ecclesiastes 7:9 NIV)

I learned this truth the hard way. When I’m hurt, I want—and often feel justified—to lash back with malicious words. But giving free reign to my anger never resolved anything. It only created more pain. Those angry words hurt people I love and damaged relationships. Sometimes it took years to rebuild trust and closeness. I never felt better after losing my temper; I only felt shame and remorse.

The following proverb shows us a better way to navigate hurtful situations: 

Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult. (Proverbs 12:16 NIV)

A casual reading of this verse indicates we should ignore insults—even those that hurt us. But it helps me to look at the bigger picture. This proverb actually compares the reactions of two different types of people: fools, and those who act with prudence.

The culture of ancient Israel valued self-control and patience. Wisdom literature associates these virtues with prudent people. People who act with prudence are intentional and proactive, which leads to godly behavior. Fools, however, show a lack of understanding and discernment. They are impulsive and reactive, which often leads to sin.

Not only do the traits of self-control and patience appear in the wisdom literature, they are also listed as fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). To lead lives that honor God, we need the wisdom that prudence brings. The Spirit will lead us to act with prudence, if we remain attentive to His guidance.

In my situation, I felt the Spirit prompting me to wait before responding to my friend. It took a few days for me to fully process the hurt. In the end, I realized an important truth. Sometimes people make decisions that they know may hurt us. But knowing is not the same as intending. My friend didn’t intend to hurt me with her change of plans. She simply had to take care of other needs. 

When my emotions cooled, I could think clearly about my response. I wanted to support my friend in what she needed. At the same time, I asked her to respect some of my expectations for our time together. We successfully tweaked our plan until it honored us both.

The Spirit-led life takes intentionality. We need to remain open and responsive to the Spirit’s promptings so we can follow His lead. When we do, He will infuse us with the simple wisdom of prudence.

Dear Father, it’s so easy to give in to our feelings, especially anger. But we know our unchecked anger doesn’t lead to godliness. In those moments, we need to follow the Spirit who prompts us to act with prudence. Help us to cultivate our ability to recognize His guidance so we can live lives that honor You. We pray this in the name of Jesus. Amen.